Try as I might I don't know that I'll ever understand the way that the Lord works. But then...who knows? Maybe I'm not supposed to.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I know that the Lord loves his children and wants us to be happy. I understand that a lot of what He requires of us is in order to bring that about, but it's like in my last post. Sometimes the thing that he requires of us at the moment is so painful it's hard to imagine what sort of sick joy might come out of having had that happened. The only plausible explanation in those scenarios is that he's asking that of you to develop your faith, to help you grow more, to see how much you love Him and if you are willing to put Him above everything else, and possibly because in order for better things to fall together sometimes already good things fall apart.
I had some pretty good things fall apart this last weekend. And I don't know if it's because the Lord simply is trying to test  my faith (which is something I've always struggled with) or if it's because there are better things in store for me, or if possibly it's both. But I do know that the Lord wants me to be happy. And even though there some pretty crappy things that have to happen sometimes, there are usually some pretty awesome things that happen just around the corner. Yesterday I got into grad school at BYU! : ) Evidence that even though right now the Lord is asking me to go through some pretty tough things (or at least it feels that way) he still loves me and knows what will make me ultimately happy. The caveat to this and to all that the Lord asks of us is that we need to have faith. Faith that He knows the end from the beginning and what is best for us in the end.
Faith can be a difficult thing to muster. At least in my case I constantly want to have faith. I'm constantly just trying to trust in the Lord and go with what He wants. However, the problem is that I'm kind of a worry wart and even though I try to end every prayer with "thy will be done" I find that I constantly come to the Lord in supplication asking for answers. Sometimes I already have an answer but I keep questioning the Lord seeking more concrete answers. I have been doing this recently with my struggles. I've prayed about it and feel like the Lord had already given me an answer to my prayers...basically that He wasn't going to give me an answer to a specific question at that time, rather He was going to ask me to go forward with faith at this time and trust that He knew what was best. But then for the last two night when I was at work I've just had this inkling that I knew how things were going to be and so I felt the need to pester the Lord about which answer was correct, the one I felt I got in answer to prayer or the feeling I got simply pondering at work. The stupid thing was too, that I prayed about it the night that I got the impression at work initially and I felt I got the answer that the answer to my prayers was right and that the feeling I had at work was simply the adversary trying to get me to question my answer and weaken my faith. And yet, last night at work I got the same feeling and decided that I needed to pray about it again today when I got off. But I also had it hit me this morning. It's not real faith if we're constantly questioning the Lord for an answer. I mean, I'm not suggesting that we shouldn't ask for answers from the Lord but if you have asked the Lord and felt like you've received an answer then it's time to stop questioning and just take that answer and go with faith that the answer was from the Lord and if it wasn't He will redirect you somehow. But when we've received an answer from the Lord, whatever that answer may be yes, no, silence, etc., then it is demonstrating a complete lack of faith in the Lord to keep returning to him and questioning the answer you felt like you've received. The one exception I could see to this would be in the instance that the Lord remained silent and didn't provide you with an answer. But even then, I don't think that that the questioning should occur more than twice. If after that you still feel as though you haven't received an answer I feel that it would be totally necessary to move forward with faith and trust that the Lord is expecting you to make the decision on your own.
The Lord wants us to be happy, just as any parent wants that for their child. But He also wants us to trust Him. He wants us to believe that He loves and wants what's best for us. Because He wants the ultimate good for us, and that is to live with Him again. And surprise, surprise that requires nothing but faith! Faith that this gospel is true, that Joseph Smith and every subsequent leader of this church has been a prophet and worked as the Lord's mouthpiece, faith that the temple ordinances really do allow us to live as families for eternity. Of course the Lord wants us to have faith and trust in Him because he wants us to return to Him, and so it makes sense that sometimes He is going to require things of us to strengthen our faith.