"I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that Heavenly promises are always kept."

-- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

(Lessons From Liberty Jail, CES Fireside, September 7, 2008)

I just love Elder Holland! That quote really spoke to me and helped me through some hard times these past few months.

I've spent the majority of my life fighting change because I've always associated it with bad things, but I've never been good at remembering that there is opposition in all things and so if I'm experiencing some hard times there is good coming along with it and I'm just choosing to focus on the bad. When I left for BYU I was really nervous and anxious. I was leaving friends and family and a job and a life that I had built here in Denver and I was sure that I was going to hate BYU, and for a while I did, but somewhere along the way all that changed...the funny thing is I'm not even sure when.
It has been refreshing to be home this past week and a half, to be able to go to Church in my Home Ward and see familiar faces, people that I know, who are really interested in me and how my life is going! And I'm reminded of how much and why I missed and still do miss this place. Because in all reality this place is my home. I know that the rest of my family considers me crazy for thinking it such, but this is the place where I feel like most of my growth, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally occured. But I have also come to a realization: each chapter of our lives has a natural beginning and ending, and I was to the point where my time in Denver (at least living here) was at an end.
This morning I was able to see a good friend of mine who I credit, at least in part, for helping me grow during my time in Denver, if only because he was the first person my age that I met who really had a testimony of the gospel. At nearly 17 when I first met him, I guess you could say that I was somewhat disillusioned, it seemed to me that when most people my age bore their testimonies they were saying things that they thought sounded nice, not things that they actually meant, and I think that I had begun to think that it wasn't possible for a person my age to have an actual testimony of the gospel, that it was only something that you gained as you grew up and had more experience. But then I met this friend of mine and there was something different about him. When he bore his testimony, you could tell that he actually believed the things he was saying, he wasn't saying them for show or simply just to say them, and that changed me. He helped me realize that you can have a testimony at any age, and it left me wanting to know and have the same conviction that he did. We have stayed in touch throughout the years, even when he was gone on his mission, but as this last semester progressed we gradually lost touch. But yesterday, as I was leaving Church, this same friend caught up with me and asked me if I wanted to meet him for Breakfast at IHOP, and despite all the crap I've taken from my family when it comes to him and I, and despite all the hurt and confusion our friendship has endured, I still wanted to see him, so I aggreed.
So, this morning at around 8ish I found myself sitting accross from this friend talking and catching up on things that have happened over these past few months since I left for school. It was good to see him and hear about the things going on with him. At one point during the conversation he asked me "So how's the social life at BYU?" When I first moved he received some not so pleasant e-mails from me, venting and whining about how miserable I was, and about all the 'trials' I was enduring. But today it was nice to be able to look at him and report that everything was ok, and that though I had been really nervous and anxious and miserable in the beginning it seemed that the decision I had made to go to BYU was really the best thing for me in the end.
Going to BYU this last semester has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and I endured some of the most lonely times in my life. But those times were always tempered with the reassurance that I was never really alone, no matter how much I felt like it, because the Lord was and is always right beside me. It helped me prove to myself, once again, what exactly I'm made of; exhibit my determination. I like to think that when the going got tough I had the grit to get through it. And I have also been given the opportunity to make new friends and renew relationships with old ones, all of whom have in many ways helped me just as much as my first friend has.

It has been a really long time since I posted. I just got weighed down with a bunch of school things and never really got caught up. I got to go home for Thanksgiving! It was soo good to go back and see Desi, Mike, Emily, Mordecai, and Mom & Dad. Desi had some more issues with kidney stones on the day after Thanksgiving, and so that was sad, but on the bright side I got to have lots-o-fun chillin' with Emily and making Sugar Cookies which we decorated! It was fun!! Going back to Provo after Thanksgiving was a little easier than it had been in October, I was starting to feel a little more settled there.

In the beginning of December I went on a date with my good friend Matthew (Matty) Moses (I know, best last name ever, right?!) or as my roomate Jessica calls him "The Running Man!" haha He took me to hike the 'Y'. On the way there I noticed he had a backpack with him and when I asked him what it was for he said it was an extra jacket in case he got cold. I was a little suspicious because if you know him, he is like a human heater! I knew something must be up but I wasn't sure what. But when we got to the top of the 'Y' he opened the backpack and pulled out a thermos of hot water, two cups, plastic spoons, and two packages of hot cocoa mix for us. It was so cute! Then we went out to dinner. I have to admit that at first I was a little worried that it might be strange just because it meant that things were likely going to change (which I hate), but that was stupid and I ended up having a really good time. After that we went back to my apt. and I made him a cake and we helped my roomate Aurie make some wraps while we waited for Flora, who was coming down from Rexburg to take the LSATs, to arrive. Flora finally got there and we all ended up watching Singin' in the Rain because I told Matty he had to see it, A) because it's the greatest tap dancing movie known to man (he's taking tap dance with me next semester) and B) because they do the "Moses" dance! haha That Sunday our apt. got asked to introduce ourselves at ward prayer, we each gave our major, fav. color, # of siblings, and fav. Disney princess and everyone else had to guess who went with what. After we were matched up with the appropriate facts we each introduced ourselves and gave a hobby. Mine was tap dancing, and when some of the people shouted "Let's see it!" I actually gave them a demonstration right there in my heels! haha

That following week was the week before finals and I had two teachers decide that that was the perfect time to give tests! Who does that?! Beyond that I basically spent a lot of time in the library trying to get ready for finals the upcoming week.

The weekend after that was pretty much awesome! As Matt and I have been becoming better friends I've noticed that I've been seeing more of him and less of my roomates, but that weekend he went up to Rexburg to see Flora graduate from BYU-I so I spent the entire weekend just goofing off with Jessica and Michelle. We went to our ward Christmas party that Friday which was fun, we got to watch Jessica be a nerd and demonstrate all these crazy dance moves like the 'bobble-head' and the 'can-opener' and the 'maseuse'! haha After that we went and ran some errands and then went back to the apt and watched youtube videos for who knows why. The next day, Saturday, I hit some calculus reviews for the final, and tried to study for my World Religions final. That night though, we had a girls night, Jessica, Michelle, Kaela, and I all got in our pj's and got some pizza's from Little Caesar's and then went back to the apt. and watched Back to the Future. We even had a Root Beer Keg! haha Later that night we did Avacado masks!

Finals week was pretty stressful! I basically spent all week sitting inside the Tanner Building with Matt and Flora studying. Tuesday night Flora, Nena, Jessica, and I all went out to dinner at Noodles & Co. They have the most amazing cookies and it was a lot of fun just hanging out with the girls. After dinner I went back to campus with Flora to study and at like 12:45 (so i guess it was technically wednesday), I got a text from Matty asking me what I was up to. when I responded I said " I just want t sled but I know that I need to study. You're probably pick of my whining...." I was really tired that night and I meant to say that I just wanted to sleep but I must have left off the 'p' when I typed it in so quick words took it as 'sled' . I was still thinking that I had said sleep when Matty responded with "Let's go! I'll put on some warm clothes!" haha I was a little weirded out at first and asked "Where?" and he was like "By the Marriott Center." at that point I had the common sense to look through my sent messages and I noticed my error. I showed Flora, and at that point Matt was so excited we couldn't say "No" so we dragged our happy selves over to the Marriott Center to meet Matt and his friend Cole for some late night sledding. Wednesday Matty took me out on a lunch date and then I headed up to Jessica's School in Riverton to be an 'expert' so that her class could play Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? (she actually teaches 5th grade! haha) Thursday I took my Calculus final, which is the only one that I was really nervous about. I got a 73% which I'm hoping is enough to pull me at least a 'B' since the course is being curved and all. We shall see. Thursday, Flora and I went Christmas shopping! It was fun, and I got some of the stuff done that I needed. That afternoon we were supposed to chill with Nena but we put it off for a little bit cause she had something come up. Flora and I ended up texting Matt to see if he wanted to eat lunch with us, and then right after that Nena called and said she was done and could now come play with us. Matt had to be to work at 6 pm though so Flora and I ended up going and getting food and then picking up Nena and taking everything over to Matt's work and eating there with him and Cole. While eating we decided that we wanted to make a snowman, hence there was another late night excursion, with Michelle, Nena, Flora, Matt, Cole and myself, to the Marriott Center for some snowman building and more sledding. The snow wasn't exactly right for building a snowman but we sure as heck tried, we got sort of a horizontal one on the ground though, haha! Yesterday, I went up to Grandpa's to say goodbye before heading home for the Holidays and to give him his Christmas gift but he wasn't there. I was a little worried but I left the present and a note on his chair. I drove back to Provo and had to do some stuff on campus before going to pick up Flora and do a bit more last minute Christmas shopping. By the time we started back to my apt. it had started to snow pretty heavily, I hurriedly packed the last of my bags and flew out the door to drop off Nena's Christmas present and say goodbye to Matty. Brian had told me I should be to his house sometime around 5:45 pm in order to get the airport in time for my flight out so I left Provo at around 4:00 to give myself time to get there with the weather and all! It took me nearly 45 min just to get out of Provo, and I don't remember how long to get up to South Jordan, what normally takes me 30 min in normal conditions took 2 hours! Brian and Laurie are so sweet for braving the weather to take me to the Airport. I got to the airport at 7 pm and my flight which was scheduled to leave at 9 was delayed until midnight. :( The line to check my bag was forever long though, so I said goodbye and thanks to Brian and Laurie and resigned myself to waiting. I finally got my bag all checked and was headed through security when they stopped me and asked me to take my laptop out of my backpack, which I did, problem solved....I think not. They brought it over to me a second time and were like "Do you have any water in this?" and I was like "No." The guy then pulls out Matt's Christmas gift to me and was like "Is there anything in this?" He opened up the gift and pulled out a bottle of lotion, so he said I either had to check it, leave it with someone, or throw it away. Long story short I had to go all the way back to the ticket counter and ask them to root through the checked bags for my flight and bring my bag back out so that I could slip the lotion in there. I finally made it through security and got myself some food because I hadn't eaten since noon and was starving, but the concourse was jam packed with people because so many flights had been delayed or cancelled. I ate and bought myself a book to keep myself occupied. Matty called me a few times too after nine to keep me company, which was nice of him. My flight kep getting even more delayed until finally we weren't leaving until 1:30 am when we'd initially been scheduled to depart at 8:55 pm, some delay right? Right before my flight boarded I was talking to Matt on the phone and he was telling me about how part of the reason it takes so long to get the planes ready for take off in the winter is because they have to de-ice the wings and stuff, and then as I was lining up to board, I heard the attendant call into his walkie-talkie to skip de-icing on my flight. Well, as we were approaching Denver we hit some turbulance and I had a little freak out in my head about how they hadn't de-iced the plane and we were going to crash! haha We landed fine though. I got into Denver and it took forever to get from the concourse to baggage claim because the stupid little train was 10 min behind or something. I finally made it to baggage claim, and there are just bags stacked everywhere and there is no order. I asked an attendant and he said that the luggage that just came in from SLC was going to be on carousel 9. I wait through all the bags on that carousel to come out and my bag isn't there so I go over to the attendants and I tell them that my bag hadn't shown up on with the other luggage from my flight and right then I see my bag lying stacked under three other massive duffels and sitting behind two huge rolly suitcases. Mike was out waiting for me curbside, we didn't get back to their house until nearly 5 am! I was so tired but Emily came into my room at 8 and put her cold hands in my bed and asked me to read her stories. That crazy kid! haha Desi came and ushered her out and I slept a little more but I eventurally got up for the day, had BK for breakfast with Desi and Mike, went and did some Christmas shopping with Desi and then went and had lunch at McD's with Desi and Mike and their friends the Ludwigs. After that I came back and took a nap! Right now Emily just asked Mike to turn on the Work and the Glory. haha I love that kid! I LOVE all my nieces ad nephews and wish that they could be here with me!
Sorry this is such a long post, it's been a while, I'll try and write more regularly so they aren't so long! haha

So yesterday, mom left! :( I drove up to SLC after I got out of my Latin class so that I could take her to the airport. When I was up there Grandpa gave me the first three books in the Children of the Promise series by Dean Hughes in hardback. They are all in practically mint condition, including the third one which is like hard to find and uber expensive when you can, and the first two were signed for Gma and Gpa by Dean Hughes! That practically made my day! I've decided that I'm going to go up there at least once a week and see him, I mean who knows how much longer he's got and it's not like I live that far away. I decided that I wanted to take a picture of Mom and Grandpa together before Mom left so we did that and then threw all of Mom's stuff into the back of the car and I drove her to the Airport. It was sad to see her go, but I think I'm getting better....

After that I went back down to Provo for my last class of the day, Intro to Calc. We usually have homework due everyday, but yesterday, for whatever reason we didn't and we were all kinda curious about what exactly we'd be going over in class, turns out my teacher is awesome and since we were a bit ahead of schedule, he took yesterday as an opportunity to review everything we've covered thus far this semester.

Last night Michelle, and Jessica and I went to this sketch comedy show called the Divine Comedy. You gotta love it right there just for the play on Dante! haha Anyway it is this I way funny sketch comedy troupe that put's a on a show every month or so. A lot of it is Mormon/BYU Humor but some of it is just downright funny....like this...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJaN_F4tCrs! Makes me laugh every time.

Michelle has this mystery dinner party thing that she is going to tonight and so I told her that I'd help her make her hair all curly and pretty for it, so last night after the Divine Comedy she and I went out in search of one those special curling irons with the cooling coil around it designed specially for spiral curls. We checked Target and Wal-mart and couldn't find one, sad day! :(

Looks like we'll have to settle for using a regular curling iron. But she and I did have a bunch of fun driving around in my car last night belting out disney tunes at the top of our lungs! haha After our shopping trip was a bust we went to Blockbuster to rent That Thing You Do! but they didn't carry it so we rented Baby Mama instead which wasn't as funny as I was expecting.

This morning I rolled my happy bum out of bed at 6 and went running with Matt again and this time Zach joined us. 6 am on a Saturday! Why so early you ask? Long story Jessica had a test at 7:30 she had to take and I told her I'd go with her to campus and the boys had other stuff they had to do. Short answer we're masochists and decided to go at 6 instead of just not going! haha It was probably way funny for people driving cars to see me running flanked by these two gihugmously tall dudes. One of their steps was like five of mine. At one point they got ahead of me and they actually had to stop so that I could catch up with them! haha They're good guys for putting up with me. Today Jessica and I spent the morning on campus, I had a quiz to take and tried to get some other studying done (which I should be doing now) while Jessica took her Praxis exam (basically a test that tests her competency in the subjects she is teaching students). After that we bought a piece of German Chocolate Fudge from the bookstore which is really good but very rich. And that puts me here. This evening Jessica and I are headed back to campus to watch Zach do the Tango in a ballroom dance competition that he is in for class and I'm helping Michelle curl her hair. Other than that lots of studying...hopefully....if I don't get distracted. haha

So I mentioned in my first blog that I got into an accident in the beginnning of October that totaled my car. Well, these are the pics of the damage. Doesn't it just look loverly? The guy who hit me was literally picking pieces of my car out of his grill! So I've been a pedestrian for a while but this last week mom got here and brought me her car! I still miss the RIO like crazy....it was my first real car....I mean I had the hobo-mobile before that but that thing was falling apart before we even got it. I don't know why, but for some reason I was really attached to the RIO maybe because with moving and such it was the only thing that stayed constant and it gave me a bit of independence so that I could get away. I don't know....but Mom's car is good, it runs well and it isn't too shabbby, and at the end of the day it is still a car (one that I didn't really deserve seeing as how the accident was my fault) so I'm not going to knock it.
Everything else is fine here in the bubble....today I had my bowling class and we're split up into teams of three, neither of my teamates showed today so I was all by myself, thankfully we had a bye this week because we are out of the class tournament after losing on Tuesday. I got some great practice in today, my high score was a 131! That made me happy. I've decided that I want to start posting at least one picture a day so that you guys can sort of get a feel for what my life has been/is like since moving to Provo, so I've started carrying my camera with me almost everywhere I go. Today as I was walking through Brigham Square they were doing an ROTC demonstration with the Army and the Air Force and I was totally going to take a pic but my camera was dead and hence why you're seeing pictures from a month ago of my old busted up car. The new Taylor Swift cd came out Tuesday and I bought it and have totally been rocking out to it all week. I had it blaring in the car this afternoon as I drove up to SLC to spend some time with Mom and Gpa. It was good to see them. That was 'bout it for today. Love to you all!

Pics (L-R): My freakin' sweet dinosaur that I drew at Enrichment tonight, The Obama Joke board we started last week after the election, The poster we made about a month ago for the noisy apt. above us.

So, I should start this blog by saying that I loathe the way that BYU does testing. Like for my Calculus class, the tests aren't given by individual professors, they are given by all the instructors of Intro to Calculus collectively so it's the same test for each student no matter who their professor is, and each professor gets a crack at writing one of the 4 tests administered throughout the semester (I don't know how they work the final). Can I just say how gay that is! Different teachers emphasize different things. Then you have to go to the testing center, which even sounds formidable and strikes fear into the hearts of every student at BYU, and is basically this giant room filled with desks where almost every student goes to take their tests, and is usually jam packed with people so you're sitting on top of each other, and there is always people coming and going, shuffling in and out, and people coughing and sneezing all over you, and the desks are so close together that whenever someone shifts in the slightest it causes trouble.

So Monday, I had to go and take my Calculus test and I walk into the testing center and try and find a desk that had enough space around it, well it took some searching but I found one, with really only one other person sitting across the aisle from me. But with my luck that was too easy, wouldn't you know it, the kid sitting across from me was...a sniffler. You know that kind, heck, I use to be one. The kind that don't blow their nose but sniff it! And the worst part about it was that this kid had it like timed, I swear, every thirty seconds without fail he would sniffle! It was soo distracting, and sickening. I finally had to get up and find another suitable desk. The test was difficult but I finally emerged nearly three hours later having received an 80% on it. I wasn't sure how that measured up, one kid I talked to said that 80% was the highest he'd heard anyone get, but some other guy said he got an 85%, and I overheard this other guy say that he guessed on two or three of the questions and got a 90% (how is that even fair)! So I was a little nervous, but today when I went to lecture my teacher informed us that the average for all the sections was a 64% and that the average for just our class was a 62% so I'm feeling a little better about my 80%. That was really the hightlight of my day, my Latin class is getting to be a bit more difficult and I'm beginning to worry a tad about my translations but I just plan on hitting the books pretty hard this weekend. Friday night Michelle and Jessica and I are going to this BYU sketch thing called the Divine Comedy which is really funny! And then Saturday we're going to a dance competition to see Zach. So it sounds like my weekend will have some fun mixed in. Tonight we had Enrichment night and we had one of the members of the Bishropic's wives come and talk to us about budgeting and such. It was interesting, although I mainly doodled while I listened, the product was my dinosaur drawing which you can see above, and which is now mounted on the wall above my bed! haha

So, over the summer, my sisters told me that I needed to start a blog so as to make it easier to stay in touch. At the time I laughed and didn't think much of it, I mean I thought that Mom would keep me informed. Well, apparently I was wrong and so therefore, I have decided to start a blog, because I really am missing the fam!

I'm not going to lie, my first two months here have pretty much been some of the most dreadful ones of my life. There was all the stress of moving out on my own, and starting classes at BYU, and then some other stuff that happened at that point that I don't want to get into, and I was homesick, and then to top it all off I got into a car accident in the beginning of October that totaled my car and just left me feeling hopeless. But thankfully, I was able to ask for a blessing and got confirmation that all of the bad things were going to pass, and that I wasn't alone, that the Lord is always with me! I still had some hard times after that and continue to have them but I really am doing a lot better!
My roomates are pretty much amazing and I honestly don't think I could have been given better ones for my first year away from home! Jessica, my friend from CO and my room roomate, is so much like me sometimes it's like we have the same brain. I'm so glad that I made the decision to move in with her. My roomates Kaela and Michelle are pretty awesome too! We laugh so much it's ridonkulous, and we are always doing fun things! Friday, I had a craving for Chipotle, and Jessica and her friend Ben (who is also from CO) know what amazing food that is, so myself, Jessica, Ben, Michelle, and Zach all piled into my car and drove half an hour to Sandy to get some Chipotle because that's where the closest one is! Then Saturday Michelle, Jessica, my friend Matt, and Michelle's friend Austin and I all went Ice Skating! It's so much fun, unfortunately though it doesn't lead to much studying! haha Nena is also living in Provo (just across the street in fact), and it has been so great to live close to her again, she really has been a fantastic support to me, a friend to lean on, and an ear to listen to me whine about how crappy things were! I have also had the privelage to see Flora a few times since moving, even though she lives in Rexburg she is closer and she has family that lives in Provo.

The pictures that you are viewing, are of what myself and my roomates have come to call the stairs of DEATH! Hiking up and down these stairs constitutes a large portion of my life here at BYU. Look steep? Believe me, they are even more daunting in person, especially when you have to face walking up them at least twice a week with what feels like 40lbs of books strapped to your back! haha Lately my friend Matt and I have been going running in the mornings, and when we do we usually run up these stairs....(ok, so he runs them, I more like power walk them...I have to take each step individually because two at a time just feels like too much of a stretch and I'm worried about falling on my face! haha) Suffice it to say, because of this I have been going up these stairs even on days when I don't have a class that meets at the top of them.

To be quite honest when I first started classes at BYU it weirded me out a little, I had never been to a school where they pray and sing a hymn at the beginning of each class! The spirit really is amazing though! The devotionals every week are exceptional (except when the hijack it for junk like "The Opening Ceremonies of BYU's Homecoming Week" Give me a break!) and it feels like there is always some fireside with a GA of somesort being held. Two weeks ago we got to hear from Bishop Burton and two months before that it was Elder Holland!

I learn so much from all of my classes and I feel like I'm doing well in all of my classes (of course two of my classes are bowling and ice skating), the only possible exception to that would be my Calculus class, though I got two 80%'s and a 90% on the tests we've taken so far which, from what I understand is better than most. I think my favorite class so far this semester is a 3-way tie between Survey of World Religions, Book of Mormon, and Bowling. Bowling is just really fun, I've seen my game improve and my 'teamates' Sydney and Rob crack me up! And then I just feel like I've learned so much from Survey of World Religion and BOM. The semester is almost over though, we only have a few more weeks till Thanksgiving (which I get to go home for :) and then after that there is a week or two more of classes and then finals! I'm so excited for my classes next semester! I'm taking Latin 102, the 2nd Half of the BOM, Family History, World Civ. pt I, History of the Middle Ages, Tap Dancing, and Piano! So I think I just may make it through! The other day I was reading in 2nd Nephi, and it's the part where Lehi was teaching about the importance of the Fall of Adam and Eve and in one verse he said that if they hadn't fallen that Adam and Eve would have had no joy for they would have known no misery and I had this epiphany: In the long run it really is our trials and the hard times, the moments when we feel most miserable, that make us happy, because if we didn't know what that was like we wouldn't have that contrast between sorrow and happiness, and we wouldn't know what joy felt like.

"I testify that the bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that heavenly promises are always kept." --Jeffrey R. Holland, CES Fireside, Sept. 2008