"I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs, and that Heavenly promises are always kept."

-- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

(Lessons From Liberty Jail, CES Fireside, September 7, 2008)

I just love Elder Holland! That quote really spoke to me and helped me through some hard times these past few months.

I've spent the majority of my life fighting change because I've always associated it with bad things, but I've never been good at remembering that there is opposition in all things and so if I'm experiencing some hard times there is good coming along with it and I'm just choosing to focus on the bad. When I left for BYU I was really nervous and anxious. I was leaving friends and family and a job and a life that I had built here in Denver and I was sure that I was going to hate BYU, and for a while I did, but somewhere along the way all that changed...the funny thing is I'm not even sure when.
It has been refreshing to be home this past week and a half, to be able to go to Church in my Home Ward and see familiar faces, people that I know, who are really interested in me and how my life is going! And I'm reminded of how much and why I missed and still do miss this place. Because in all reality this place is my home. I know that the rest of my family considers me crazy for thinking it such, but this is the place where I feel like most of my growth, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally occured. But I have also come to a realization: each chapter of our lives has a natural beginning and ending, and I was to the point where my time in Denver (at least living here) was at an end.
This morning I was able to see a good friend of mine who I credit, at least in part, for helping me grow during my time in Denver, if only because he was the first person my age that I met who really had a testimony of the gospel. At nearly 17 when I first met him, I guess you could say that I was somewhat disillusioned, it seemed to me that when most people my age bore their testimonies they were saying things that they thought sounded nice, not things that they actually meant, and I think that I had begun to think that it wasn't possible for a person my age to have an actual testimony of the gospel, that it was only something that you gained as you grew up and had more experience. But then I met this friend of mine and there was something different about him. When he bore his testimony, you could tell that he actually believed the things he was saying, he wasn't saying them for show or simply just to say them, and that changed me. He helped me realize that you can have a testimony at any age, and it left me wanting to know and have the same conviction that he did. We have stayed in touch throughout the years, even when he was gone on his mission, but as this last semester progressed we gradually lost touch. But yesterday, as I was leaving Church, this same friend caught up with me and asked me if I wanted to meet him for Breakfast at IHOP, and despite all the crap I've taken from my family when it comes to him and I, and despite all the hurt and confusion our friendship has endured, I still wanted to see him, so I aggreed.
So, this morning at around 8ish I found myself sitting accross from this friend talking and catching up on things that have happened over these past few months since I left for school. It was good to see him and hear about the things going on with him. At one point during the conversation he asked me "So how's the social life at BYU?" When I first moved he received some not so pleasant e-mails from me, venting and whining about how miserable I was, and about all the 'trials' I was enduring. But today it was nice to be able to look at him and report that everything was ok, and that though I had been really nervous and anxious and miserable in the beginning it seemed that the decision I had made to go to BYU was really the best thing for me in the end.
Going to BYU this last semester has been one of the most difficult things I have ever done, and I endured some of the most lonely times in my life. But those times were always tempered with the reassurance that I was never really alone, no matter how much I felt like it, because the Lord was and is always right beside me. It helped me prove to myself, once again, what exactly I'm made of; exhibit my determination. I like to think that when the going got tough I had the grit to get through it. And I have also been given the opportunity to make new friends and renew relationships with old ones, all of whom have in many ways helped me just as much as my first friend has.

It has been a really long time since I posted. I just got weighed down with a bunch of school things and never really got caught up. I got to go home for Thanksgiving! It was soo good to go back and see Desi, Mike, Emily, Mordecai, and Mom & Dad. Desi had some more issues with kidney stones on the day after Thanksgiving, and so that was sad, but on the bright side I got to have lots-o-fun chillin' with Emily and making Sugar Cookies which we decorated! It was fun!! Going back to Provo after Thanksgiving was a little easier than it had been in October, I was starting to feel a little more settled there.

In the beginning of December I went on a date with my good friend Matthew (Matty) Moses (I know, best last name ever, right?!) or as my roomate Jessica calls him "The Running Man!" haha He took me to hike the 'Y'. On the way there I noticed he had a backpack with him and when I asked him what it was for he said it was an extra jacket in case he got cold. I was a little suspicious because if you know him, he is like a human heater! I knew something must be up but I wasn't sure what. But when we got to the top of the 'Y' he opened the backpack and pulled out a thermos of hot water, two cups, plastic spoons, and two packages of hot cocoa mix for us. It was so cute! Then we went out to dinner. I have to admit that at first I was a little worried that it might be strange just because it meant that things were likely going to change (which I hate), but that was stupid and I ended up having a really good time. After that we went back to my apt. and I made him a cake and we helped my roomate Aurie make some wraps while we waited for Flora, who was coming down from Rexburg to take the LSATs, to arrive. Flora finally got there and we all ended up watching Singin' in the Rain because I told Matty he had to see it, A) because it's the greatest tap dancing movie known to man (he's taking tap dance with me next semester) and B) because they do the "Moses" dance! haha That Sunday our apt. got asked to introduce ourselves at ward prayer, we each gave our major, fav. color, # of siblings, and fav. Disney princess and everyone else had to guess who went with what. After we were matched up with the appropriate facts we each introduced ourselves and gave a hobby. Mine was tap dancing, and when some of the people shouted "Let's see it!" I actually gave them a demonstration right there in my heels! haha

That following week was the week before finals and I had two teachers decide that that was the perfect time to give tests! Who does that?! Beyond that I basically spent a lot of time in the library trying to get ready for finals the upcoming week.

The weekend after that was pretty much awesome! As Matt and I have been becoming better friends I've noticed that I've been seeing more of him and less of my roomates, but that weekend he went up to Rexburg to see Flora graduate from BYU-I so I spent the entire weekend just goofing off with Jessica and Michelle. We went to our ward Christmas party that Friday which was fun, we got to watch Jessica be a nerd and demonstrate all these crazy dance moves like the 'bobble-head' and the 'can-opener' and the 'maseuse'! haha After that we went and ran some errands and then went back to the apt and watched youtube videos for who knows why. The next day, Saturday, I hit some calculus reviews for the final, and tried to study for my World Religions final. That night though, we had a girls night, Jessica, Michelle, Kaela, and I all got in our pj's and got some pizza's from Little Caesar's and then went back to the apt. and watched Back to the Future. We even had a Root Beer Keg! haha Later that night we did Avacado masks!

Finals week was pretty stressful! I basically spent all week sitting inside the Tanner Building with Matt and Flora studying. Tuesday night Flora, Nena, Jessica, and I all went out to dinner at Noodles & Co. They have the most amazing cookies and it was a lot of fun just hanging out with the girls. After dinner I went back to campus with Flora to study and at like 12:45 (so i guess it was technically wednesday), I got a text from Matty asking me what I was up to. when I responded I said " I just want t sled but I know that I need to study. You're probably pick of my whining...." I was really tired that night and I meant to say that I just wanted to sleep but I must have left off the 'p' when I typed it in so quick words took it as 'sled' . I was still thinking that I had said sleep when Matty responded with "Let's go! I'll put on some warm clothes!" haha I was a little weirded out at first and asked "Where?" and he was like "By the Marriott Center." at that point I had the common sense to look through my sent messages and I noticed my error. I showed Flora, and at that point Matt was so excited we couldn't say "No" so we dragged our happy selves over to the Marriott Center to meet Matt and his friend Cole for some late night sledding. Wednesday Matty took me out on a lunch date and then I headed up to Jessica's School in Riverton to be an 'expert' so that her class could play Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? (she actually teaches 5th grade! haha) Thursday I took my Calculus final, which is the only one that I was really nervous about. I got a 73% which I'm hoping is enough to pull me at least a 'B' since the course is being curved and all. We shall see. Thursday, Flora and I went Christmas shopping! It was fun, and I got some of the stuff done that I needed. That afternoon we were supposed to chill with Nena but we put it off for a little bit cause she had something come up. Flora and I ended up texting Matt to see if he wanted to eat lunch with us, and then right after that Nena called and said she was done and could now come play with us. Matt had to be to work at 6 pm though so Flora and I ended up going and getting food and then picking up Nena and taking everything over to Matt's work and eating there with him and Cole. While eating we decided that we wanted to make a snowman, hence there was another late night excursion, with Michelle, Nena, Flora, Matt, Cole and myself, to the Marriott Center for some snowman building and more sledding. The snow wasn't exactly right for building a snowman but we sure as heck tried, we got sort of a horizontal one on the ground though, haha! Yesterday, I went up to Grandpa's to say goodbye before heading home for the Holidays and to give him his Christmas gift but he wasn't there. I was a little worried but I left the present and a note on his chair. I drove back to Provo and had to do some stuff on campus before going to pick up Flora and do a bit more last minute Christmas shopping. By the time we started back to my apt. it had started to snow pretty heavily, I hurriedly packed the last of my bags and flew out the door to drop off Nena's Christmas present and say goodbye to Matty. Brian had told me I should be to his house sometime around 5:45 pm in order to get the airport in time for my flight out so I left Provo at around 4:00 to give myself time to get there with the weather and all! It took me nearly 45 min just to get out of Provo, and I don't remember how long to get up to South Jordan, what normally takes me 30 min in normal conditions took 2 hours! Brian and Laurie are so sweet for braving the weather to take me to the Airport. I got to the airport at 7 pm and my flight which was scheduled to leave at 9 was delayed until midnight. :( The line to check my bag was forever long though, so I said goodbye and thanks to Brian and Laurie and resigned myself to waiting. I finally got my bag all checked and was headed through security when they stopped me and asked me to take my laptop out of my backpack, which I did, problem solved....I think not. They brought it over to me a second time and were like "Do you have any water in this?" and I was like "No." The guy then pulls out Matt's Christmas gift to me and was like "Is there anything in this?" He opened up the gift and pulled out a bottle of lotion, so he said I either had to check it, leave it with someone, or throw it away. Long story short I had to go all the way back to the ticket counter and ask them to root through the checked bags for my flight and bring my bag back out so that I could slip the lotion in there. I finally made it through security and got myself some food because I hadn't eaten since noon and was starving, but the concourse was jam packed with people because so many flights had been delayed or cancelled. I ate and bought myself a book to keep myself occupied. Matty called me a few times too after nine to keep me company, which was nice of him. My flight kep getting even more delayed until finally we weren't leaving until 1:30 am when we'd initially been scheduled to depart at 8:55 pm, some delay right? Right before my flight boarded I was talking to Matt on the phone and he was telling me about how part of the reason it takes so long to get the planes ready for take off in the winter is because they have to de-ice the wings and stuff, and then as I was lining up to board, I heard the attendant call into his walkie-talkie to skip de-icing on my flight. Well, as we were approaching Denver we hit some turbulance and I had a little freak out in my head about how they hadn't de-iced the plane and we were going to crash! haha We landed fine though. I got into Denver and it took forever to get from the concourse to baggage claim because the stupid little train was 10 min behind or something. I finally made it to baggage claim, and there are just bags stacked everywhere and there is no order. I asked an attendant and he said that the luggage that just came in from SLC was going to be on carousel 9. I wait through all the bags on that carousel to come out and my bag isn't there so I go over to the attendants and I tell them that my bag hadn't shown up on with the other luggage from my flight and right then I see my bag lying stacked under three other massive duffels and sitting behind two huge rolly suitcases. Mike was out waiting for me curbside, we didn't get back to their house until nearly 5 am! I was so tired but Emily came into my room at 8 and put her cold hands in my bed and asked me to read her stories. That crazy kid! haha Desi came and ushered her out and I slept a little more but I eventurally got up for the day, had BK for breakfast with Desi and Mike, went and did some Christmas shopping with Desi and then went and had lunch at McD's with Desi and Mike and their friends the Ludwigs. After that I came back and took a nap! Right now Emily just asked Mike to turn on the Work and the Glory. haha I love that kid! I LOVE all my nieces ad nephews and wish that they could be here with me!
Sorry this is such a long post, it's been a while, I'll try and write more regularly so they aren't so long! haha